


exile vilify

by Woodswolf



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dissociation, Dissociation from Reality, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, sanity slippage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 04:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woodswolf/pseuds/Woodswolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the story of a man in one realm, a boy in another, and the fragile reality that they both exist in.</p><p>Cross-posted from FFN on 12/16/2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	exile vilify

_does it feel like a trial?_

_does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine?_

_does it feel like a trial?_

_now you're thinking too fast, you're like marbles on glass_

* * *

Time was impossible to keep track of in the Cursed Realm.

It had felt like years since Garmadon had entered it. He had been lifted through the portal, and then blacked out; he woke up chained between two posts with all of his weight supported by the shackles. They had dug into his wrists, making the skin raw and bloody from shifting against the metal. He clenched his teeth in pain when he peeled the metal away from his skin; it had incorporated itself into the scabs covering the bloody welts, and taking it off broke what was left of the seals.

He was only able to stand and to kneel, with his arms spread-eagled out to the sides. The chains weren't long enough to let him sit or relax his arms. He had to be careful about his wrists; dying in the Cursed Realm would free him from these shackles, but would also make him an eternal slave to the Preeminent as a ghost.

The Cursed Realm would kill him eventually, one way or another, but he wanted his death to be on his own terms.

The fact that he couldn't tell how much time had passed was both a blessing and a curse. The fact that he had to sleep on his knees didn't help. Over the minutes, or hours, or days, or years, his dreams grew stranger and stranger. He couldn't tell what was real, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

Because in his dreams, he saw his son.

* * *

The first time he saw him, Garmadon wasn't sure what to do.

He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream,  _Lloyd, you shouldn't be here, get out of here, now._

Maybe he did all three at the same time, and that was why Lloyd had approached him with tears in his eyes, too.

Garmadon couldn't hug his son. The chains weren't long enough. For a moment, he didn't care – he wanted to run forward and throw his arms around him, to touch his son, because it didn't even matter if Garmadon was dreaming, and it didn't matter if he died. If he couldn't hold his son one last time before everything was taken away from him, he would go to the Cloud Kingdom and ask the monks to write him out of existence.

But he couldn't do it. Lloyd was standing too far away. He'd have to chew his own hands off to even try to get to him.

Lloyd wouldn't come near him, wouldn't forgive him, and Garmadon didn't blame him for it.

 _I thought I'd never see you again,_  Garmadon had said.  _I've done horrible things, why did you come back._

 _Because I forgive you,_  Lloyd whispered,  _and I can't lose you again._

Garmadon did not expect any of this.

Lloyd forgave him.

Lloyd reached out and hugged him.

_Lloyd came back to him._

And it was at about that time that he figured out he was dreaming again, but this time, after the endless nightmares that had plagued him in this place, he didn't want it to end.

Garmadon wanted the dream to be real, and he knew that it wasn't. But he didn't care.

 _I can't stay,_  Lloyd breathed into his ear.  _I need to go back._

No, no, no, Garmadon could not accept that right now. He couldn't see his son only for him to leave again forever, leave him to die in this hell-hole and rot away until the end of time.

But what he said was,  _Okay,_  and then Lloyd was gone.

Garmadon shook himself out of the dream before it swallowed him whole.

* * *

The second time he saw him, Garmadon thought it was a fluke.

It started as the same dream. Lloyd appeared, and suddenly Garmadon was crying and laughing and screaming all at the same time.

Lloyd ran up to him with whispers on his lips, just small phrases:  _Shh, it's okay, I'm back, dad, I'm back again, oh no your wrists look bad, I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner to help, I just…_

The laughter faded away and the screaming was suddenly silenced, and Garmadon was left weeping in his son's arms.

Lloyd was a broken record of  _it's okay, it's okay, it's okay_  in his ear, and Garmadon wasn't entirely aware of what he was saying, either.

But from the back of his mind, Garmadon called out to his father, saying,  _Thank you, Father, for giving me a good dream again._

Lloyd pulled away and stared at Garmadon. His face was conflicted, like he had just tasted something so sickly sweet it was purely sour. Lloyd's eyes were desperate, and his tears were mourning, and his mouth was begging him with sweet nothings to  _please, please, please…_

Garmadon didn't understand, so he didn't say anything. He couldn't touch his son – Lloyd had stepped back again. Lloyd wouldn't let Garmadon touch him, console him, tell him that everything would be okay…

And then both of them were crying.

 _Let's pretend that this is real, just for a little while,_  Lloyd said, sniffling.  _It'll be our little reality, just the two of us._

Garmadon could accept that, so he did.

* * *

The third time he saw him, Garmadon tried to believe it was real.

Lloyd brought cloth bandages.  _For your arms,_  he said, gesturing to them.

 _I don't need them,_  Garmadon said back, instinctively.

_Yes, you do, I'm not going to let you die here._

_But this is a dream._

_No it's not,_  Lloyd shouted.  _No, it's not._

Garmadon didn't know what to say. Lloyd approached Garmadon, helped him stand to make the chains a tiny bit longer, and slid one of the metal shackles further up his arm.

His wrists were bloody messes. Garmadon looked away.

 _I didn't know they were this bad, oh no,_ Lloyd sputtered.  _I should have brought something to treat the cuts, I'm so stupid, I knew the bandages weren't going to be enough…_

 _Just do what you can,_  Garmadon whispered.  _It doesn't matter._

_Yes, it does, yes, it does matter, because I can't let you die again._

_What do you mean, 'again'?_

Lloyd jumped back.  _Nothing, nothing, nothing, let me work…_

He gently wrapped the cloth bandages around Garmadon's wrist. Garmadon still avoided looking directly at his wounds, so he looked at Lloyd instead. What he saw was fear.

 _Don't be afraid,_  Garmadon said.  _I'll be okay, we'll be okay._

Lloyd choked, and refused to look Garmadon in the eye as he bandaged the other wrist.

* * *

The fourth time he saw him, Garmadon finally realized that he was starving.

Lloyd had a box of crackers, and a bottle of water.

_You're probably hungry._

Oh, yes he was. Garmadon didn't remember the last time he ate.

Garmadon couldn't remember the last time he'd done anything besides dream.

Because it was still a dream, wasn't it? Even if Lloyd told him to pretend that it was real. Pretending that something was real didn't necessarily make it real.

Even if it was a dream, when Lloyd lifted the bottle to Garmadon's lips, he drank not just to drink, but to finally be able to feel his tongue again. The water was cool and flavorless, and it eliminated the taste of blood on his lips and inside his mouth. He nearly choked on the stream, once, twice, before he finally was able to drink it easily.

He drained about half the bottle before Lloyd took it away and opened the crackers. Simple things, just squares of shredded wheat, and Garmadon had to open his mouth like a baby bird while Lloyd fed him.

All of it was humiliating. Garmadon didn't know how Lloyd had the patience for any of it. Garmadon certainly wouldn't have. If their positions were switched, Garmadon would have just waited with his son until he died, or even…

…but this wasn't Lloyd… Not really…

But it didn't matter if it wasn't Lloyd, because Garmadon had still had the thought, and the thought was what Garmadon needed to die for.

Garmadon wouldn't look Lloyd in the eye after that, but he could still see that his son was crying.

* * *

The twenty-fifth time he saw him, Garmadon was ready.

Lloyd said that he'd wanted to wait until Garmadon could actually hold his head up again, so that it wouldn't be as bad if it backfired horribly.

Garmadon didn't know why Lloyd wanted to be so careful.

 _I'm ready,_  Garmadon said.  _Go ahead._

Lloyd brought his hands together and then spread them apart slowly, gathering the yellowish-green energy into a flickering sphere between his hands. He looked enraged.

Even though Garmadon knew it was only a subconscious expression and that, if Lloyd was angry, the anger was directed at the chains, Garmadon couldn't help but recognize it from the few times he'd seen his son looking at him like this, when they were on opposite sides.

The energy ball expanded until Lloyd pushed it, and then it flew at one of the chains, near the base of the post it was attached to. The ball collided and disappeared.

 _That was supposed to work,_  Lloyd said.  _Why didn't it work._

He did it again. He stored up a bigger ball of energy, nearly the size of Lloyd himself, and fired that at the same post. Nothing happened.

 _Why isn't this working,_  Lloyd said, irritated.

Lloyd created an even bigger ball, and he looked wrathfully at the chains, only rage written on his face. He threw it at the post with an outraged scream, and the result didn't change.

 _This needs to work,_  Lloyd shouted.  _It needs to work, I don't want this to all be a waste, you need to come home, I don't want to watch you die out here._

He kept going, again and again, until Garmadon finally screamed,  _Stop this, Lloyd, it's not helping anything, can't you see that, I'm stuck here and you're going to hurt yourself, this is a dream and it won't make a difference if you try to break these chains._

 _It's not a dream,_  Lloyd screamed back.  _It's not a dream, it's not a dream, it's not a dream, why can't you get it through your head that this isn't a dream, this is real and if you have to die here then so will I._

Garmadon's mind went blank.

_What._

_It's not a dream, none of it is, get that through your head._

_I know, it's real because we pretend it is,_  Garmadon said,  _but what was that last part that you mentioned._

 _Nothing,_  Lloyd insisted.  _It's nothing, there's nothing wrong, everything's okay, you're okay, I'm okay, we're going to be okay._

His son was hiding something from him.

Lloyd left in a flash, and Garmadon felt sorrow.

* * *

The fifty-fourth time he saw him, Garmadon could feel his son's panic.

He would always deny it, of course.  _No, no, nothing's wrong, everything's okay, I'm okay, you're okay, we're okay._

Garmadon was finding it much harder to pretend that it was real, because he didn't want it to be anymore. He didn't want to see Lloyd like this. He wanted to remember how things used to be, when everything was simple. Back when the only things they had to worry about were Nindroids and tournament brackets. Back when the only thing they had to worry about was whether they would have to kill each other. Back when Lloyd gave up his childhood for the sake of Ninjago, back when the Fire Temple was exploding and Kai saved his son's life, back when Lloyd escaped his boarding school and unleashed an ancient enemy…

Lloyd was desperate for something to happen. He kept trying to get the chains off, on previous times, and Garmadon knew it wouldn't work. He occasionally referred to a "failsafe", but never told Garmadon what it was and denied that he'd said anything whenever Garmadon caught him mumbling about it.

Garmadon's wounds on his wrists had healed, but Lloyd still wouldn't take off the bandages.  _Not yet,_  he would say.  _Not yet, not yet, we're not to that point yet, we have more time._

This time was different than the others, because Lloyd didn't do anything.

He appeared as he normally would: out of nowhere and at a random time. But this time, he kneeled down in front of Garmadon and just stared.

 _What are you doing,_  Garmadon had asked.

 _Remembering you,_  Lloyd answered.  _I need to remember you, just in case._

_Just in case of what._

_I can't tell you, please don't ask, I don't want to think about it, I can't think about it._

Garmadon stayed silent after that. He watched his son watch him, and then when Lloyd reached out to touch him, he let him.

 _You're not the only one that wants this to be all a dream,_  Lloyd whispered, trailing a finger through Garmadon's hair.  _You're not the only one who wants to wake up and have it be a half-remembered dream._

_Why?_

_I haven't slept in a long time, you shouldn't be able to sleep in a dream, if I don't sleep then I'll wake up faster._

_Lloyd,_  Garmadon begged,  _no, stop that, I'll be fine, leave, go, this isn't healthy._

_You're not healthy either, we can be sick together._

_Lloyd…_

_Why can't I wake up,_  Lloyd asked.  _Why can't I wake up, I should wake up, I need to wake up, why can't I wake up._

 _Because we're both not asleep here,_  Garmadon reminded.  _This is our reality, the one we pretend is real, the one we pretend together._

_This isn't a dream._

_No, it's not._

_It should be,_  Lloyd whispered, the first tears slipping down his face.  _We both need to wake up._

* * *

The third-to-last time he saw him, Garmadon could tell his son was mourning.

It was the opposite of the first time he saw Lloyd: instead of Garmadon begging for contact, crying out for his son, willing to sacrifice his limbs and, by extension, his soul for a single chance at forgiveness, Lloyd ran to and reached out for Garmadon, for anything to hold on to.

Lloyd crushed him in a hug so fierce, so hungry, so pleading, so desperate, so melancholy, that the fact that Garmadon couldn't wrap his arms around his son felt worse than dying in a world far beyond the real world. Lloyd's tears ran down Garmadon's back, and the fact that he couldn't wipe them from his son's face felt worse than anything in his entire life.

 _I need to use the failsafe,_  Lloyd said.  _I have no choice, the next time you see me I will need to use it, there's no other solution, the chains won't break, the posts won't uproot, I can't do it myself so the failsafe is the only option, please forgive me, Cyrus had a robotic chair, he can make you some prosthetic hands, I just need to try to bring you home, otherwise I can't live with myself._

 _What is the failsafe,_  Garmadon asked quietly, less than a whisper into his son's ear.

 _You'd come home,_  Lloyd said.  _You would come home to the days after tomorrow._

_What do you mean._

_The Cloud Kingdom has written it before, they can write it again and again and again, and the Realm Crystal can do it even better than the Mega Weapon, the Realm Crystal can do anything, the Realm Crystal will break your shackles or rip off your hands but either way you will come home to the days after tomorrow._

Garmadon's eyes widened.  _You mean…_

 _Time travel,_  Lloyd answered.  _You have to come home to the days after tomorrow, we can't lose you again._

This. This was what his son had been hiding from him for who-knew-how-long. His son was from the future. His son was trying to help him escape the past.

 _I'm coming tomorrow,_  Lloyd said, removing the bandages from Garmadon's wrists one at a time.  _My tomorrow and your tomorrow._  He unwound the fabric slowly, spiraling it around an invisible point.  _I don't know what will happen after that._

* * *

The second-to-last time he saw him, Garmadon was not sure if Lloyd was bringing the failsafe at the moment.

He saw Lloyd come over the top of the little ridge, and then there was a moment – less than a blink – between Lloyd seeing him and recognizing him.

 _Dad,_  Lloyd shouted.

 _Lloyd,_  Garmadon said.  _My son._

His son grabbed him in a hug, but it wasn't the kind of hug he'd given him yesterday. This was an I-never-thought-I'd-see-you-again hug, not a this-might-be-the-last-time-I-see-you hug. This hug was so much happier than the other one. This son was so much happier than the one from however far in the future of this one.

_I'll get you out of here, dad._

He still didn't realize.

 _There's no use,_  Garmadon stated. He looked at his son's face, trying to find hope, before he said the next words.  _These chains will not break._

His son asked a lot of things, and Garmadon told him what he needed to know. About the Cursed Realm. About the Preeminent. About what was happening, in words that would fool this Lloyd into thinking that he knew already.

He told his son things, too. He told him to hold on to hope and to save the world and to achieve all those other ideals that fathers always want for their sons.

But once he found the source of the fear, he was no longer sure that it wasn't in vain.

_But, if I destroy it, it could destroy you._

_Whatever happens to me,_  Garmadon began slowly.  _Wherever I am._  He lifted his head higher.  _I will always be with you._

He saw the flicker of fear within his son's eyes, and from that moment, he knew that he had failed.

So he tried something else.

 _If you aren't a ninja any longer, become a sensei,_  he whispered into the air as his son began to leave.  _Take my clothes and take my title, please don't live in fear._

* * *

The last time he saw him, Garmadon was going to drown.

The cavern of the Cursed Realm was slowly but surely filling with water, bit by bit, trickling down from where the Preeminent was beginning to drown.

 _Are you ready,_  Lloyd, the Lloyd that had been with him all this time, the one who had been in it with him from the beginning, asked Garmadon as he approached.

 _No, Lloyd,_  Garmadon answered, his voice barely louder than the pouring water.  _No, I am not ready and I never will be._

 _You're supposed to be ready,_  Lloyd said, sadly, angrily, desperately.  _I told you to be ready, I have to save Chen and Clouse too, no one deserves to die like this, I can't leave them behind._

_You're right that no one deserves to die like this, but we have to, it is our fate._

_Who cares about fate, come home with me._

_You sound like Morro,_  Garmadon said.

 _I don't care,_  Lloyd replied, his face darkening.  _You need to come home._

_That is not my home, that is not anyone's home, Lloyd, it's not even your home at this rate._

_Then what do you want me to do,_  Lloyd shouted.  _What do you want me to do, dad, I can't leave you behind, you know I can't._

 _I need you to leave us all behind, Lloyd,_  Garmadon pleaded.  _All who are trapped here cannot go, it is not meant to be, please be strong for me._

_I can't leave you behind to die, I've already done that three times, I can't do it again._

_You need to,_  Garmadon said.  _This is the end of the line for me, your story is still just beginning, please don't live in fear._

_I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I –_

_Don't you remember what I told you,_  Garmadon asked quietly.  _I don't know how long ago it was for you, but if you don't remember…_

_I remember but –_

_I will always be with you,_  Garmadon said.  _Not even this can change that, nothing can._

_Thank you._

_Now go,_  Garmadon whispered for the last time.  _And when you get home, destroy the crystal._

 _I will,_  Lloyd said. He reached out for Garmadon and pulled him into a fast hug, a this-may-be-the-last-time-I-see-you-but-it-doesn't-matter kind of hug. He pulled away, backed up, and took the Realm Crystal out of his pocket with a certain reverence.

The last thing Garmadon saw of his son, before he was pulled through a portal by its own magical gravity, was a small, broken smile, and teary eyes that whispered  _I'm awake._

 _Goodbye,_  Garmadon thought to the empty cavern that was slowly filling with water.

He closed his eyes, and slept for the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from FFN on 12/16/2015.
> 
> Original A/N viewable here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11393068/1/exile-vilify


End file.
